Mamoru becomes a you know what
by Amnesia Nymph
Summary: Another mamoru bashing story. Haruka tricks our beloved cape man into meeting up with a Yakuza boss. Only Mamoru's vision on what'll happen is totally different from what 'Robberto' has in mind.


Disclaimer: I do not own the characters used in here. This is just a little fan writing about one of her favourite anime.

Pff, it's been quite some time since I've written anything lately. My health is dropping seeing as my right leg was paralyzed for one week. College. And more stuff that would just bore all of you. Anyway I was feeling a bit bored and decided to write a little fun story. I ended up with a couple of different stories which I'll be posting here soon. But first comes first.

**Mamoru becomes a you know what**

**by**

**Amnesia Nymph**

**M**amoru took a deep breath before slowly stepping into the darkened room ahead of him. How the hell had he let that blonde talk him into doing this. Nothing was worth it. He surely hadn't deserved this cruel fate. Haruka Tenoh. The thought of getting revenge on her was the only thing that kept him from jumping off the nearest building. In front of him sat a man wearing nothing but a boxershort Mamoru shivered upon seeing the man spread his legs and gesturing him to get closer.

The man sitting on the bed in front of him was the most feared Yakuza boss you'd ever find. Not only because of his brutal ways of killing his enemies but also because of what he makes people do when they 'owe' him something. In Mamoru's case, this was the first time he saw the man and up to earlier this afternoon he hadn't even heard of him. ''You must be Mamoru Chiba.''

The black haired man nodded nervously. ''Yes sir.''

He could see the Yakuza boss look at him with lustful eyes. Mamoru was, at this time, wearing nothing but a robe with underneath his boxers. ''Don't be shy. Call me 'daddy Robberto.''

Mamoru didn't know whether to puke at that point or laugh at the man for having a fater/son complex. ''Y-yes. Daddy Robberto.'' He stammered wondering how the hell he got himself into this situation one more time. Haruka Tenoh. Haruka Tenoh. Haruka Tenoh! Oh that woman tricked him and she tricked him good! Running away wasn't even an option now. He had seen the Yakuza outside. He had seen their guns and they had seen him too. Maybe if he explained the situation he wouldn't have to... to...

A sigh escaped his lips.

''Listen Robberto...''

''Ehum...'' The man interupted him.

''Ah right,'' Mamoru bowed. ''Daddy Robberto. But I'm not... gay. I have a girlfriend you see. Your bussiness is with Haruka Tenoh. I can't help it that she, well...she's a woman. And we all know most people who come to you are....men. And I know what you want me to do and... oh god. What I'm trying to say is. I can't do this.''

Robberto nodded. ''Haruka already told me that you're still in the closet and like to claim you already have a girlfriend to make the lie sound more real but,''

''No, no!'' Mamoru yelped in fear. Haruka had beat him at that as well? Sneaky, evil woman. ''Her name's Usagi Tsukino. We've been dating for almost a year now. I'm even planning to get engaged to her soon but...''

''Usagi Tsukino.'' Robberto repeated. ''Rabbit of the moon? That's the best name you could think of? Sounds to me like you're too afraid to be honest about your sexuality. One night with me will wash away your doubts. Trust me.''

At this point the black haired man just wanted to cry in frustration. This Robberto couldn't be real. Atleast not serious about all of this. Had he even listened to what Mamoru told him?!

''Now why don't you take off that annoying piece of clothing and come here to hump me like only a horse could.'' Robberto said, winking at the other man.

''Hump you like a horse?'' Mamoru repeated, almost choking in shock. No really? This had to be a joke. ''Ah, now I see. Haruka set you up to this? I knew there was no way in hell she would borrow money from the Yakuza and then offer me up as the repayment. I got to say I almost fell for it but your sentences and unrealistic vision on gay men betrayed you. Hahaha.''

In front of him he could see Robberto blink in confusion. He must've been really good at acting because if Mamoru didn't know any better he'd fall for the whole act. ''I'm not acting. You shy piece of trash. You're playing hard to get. I don't like that. Although... it's quite turning me on seeing you get so scared and close to admitting your sexuality.''

''DUDE! You have got no idea what you're talking about!'' Mamoru screamed out in frustration. ''I don't know in what kind of freakish world your living but this is reality. So wake up!''

Suddenly the Yakuza boss jumped up causing Mamoru to back down in fear. Was he going to get killed now or was someone going to tell him this had been nothing but a bad, bad, bad joke? ''I'll wake up one I got your stallion in my mouth!'' Then without any warning he dropped his boxers and started swinging his private parts around, singing ''the wheels of the bus go round and round, round and round!''

''You are so far gone you haven't even realized it yet.'' Mamoru whispered to himself although he knew Robberto would be able to hear him.

----

''Mamoru.'' Haruka said, sitting down on the couch in front of Mamoru. ''You won't believe in what kind of trouble I am.''

''Indeed I don't.'' Mamoru answered, wondering why Haruka would even talk to him as if he was a human being. Usually she scolded him, ignored his existence and smacked him whenever she had the chance. Why was she suddenly.... well, doing what she was doing. At this point the blonde tomboy was looking over at him as if he were a piece of garbage that had been rotting for weeks now and had to be cleaned up.

''Oh how I hate you.'' Haruka muttered under her breath before faking a smile in front of that annoying 'prince' figure. ''Listen mamoru. I need you to do something useful for a change.''

''If you're going to talk to me like that then don't bother. And wash that smile of your face because I can see your hate for me dripping off of it.

Haruka blinked a couple of times before bursting out into fits of laughter. ''How cute when he thinks his opinion or words actually get to me,'' She paused for a moment, wiping away a tear. ''Anyway. I got into trouble with the Yakuza after borrowing some money to buy something that's none of your bussiness. Now here is how YOU come in.''

''Hohoho,'' Mamoru interrupted the blonde. ''I don't fit into that story at all. Find someone else to fix your problems.''

''Hohoho, this is no fucking christmas day Chiba. And I made it your bussiness now. Besides, usually you get kipnapped and who's got to save you? Ah don't answer. It'll be too freaking painful for you to admit it.'' She glared over at him. She knew he wasn't to say something to prove her wrong but he simply couldn't name one event which wasn't the case of him getting kipnapped.

''So,'' She went on. ''If you do this one little thing for me I'll never tease you again and I'll stop trying to get Usagi to fall for Rei.''

''Won't work anyway.'' Mamoru said, putting his hand through his hair.

''Wanna bet?'' Haruka asked, raising an eyebrow. ''Where do you think your beloved Usagi is as we speak? Again, don't answer. It'll be too painful.''

Mamoru shook his head. Surely he had just wanted the approval of the outer senshi and going through Haruka was probably the best way to do it but the Yakuza was something he'd better not mess around with. Maybe he should at least listen to what she had to say. ''Alright, what do you want me to do Tenoh?''

''Wear a white robe and go to some address. Ask for a man named Robberto and he'll FILL you in on what exactly needs to be done.'' Came the answer. She surely was vague about the whole things.

''Why'd you say it like that?'' Mamoru asked nervously.

''Say it like what buddy?''

''Am I going to get killed or something?''

Haruka shook her head. ''Of all things that could be happening I assure you that death isn't one of the options.'' _Although you wish you were dead once he's done with you._

''Is he going to torture me and make money of my skin?''

The blonde almost choked upon hearing that. ''What kind of movies have you been watching freakshow?'' _It's not a bad idea though. Maybe I should suggest it to someone dangerous._

''Just do this for me. If not for me do it for Michiru, the inner senshi, my beloved daughter Hotaru and Usagi. If I were to die while you could've done something to prevent it from happening you'll lose everything you worked so hard for.''

The black haired man was on the verge of yelling and breaking everything around him in frustration. Where the hell had this woman learnt to manipulate people like that?! ''FINE!'' He said with an angry tone. ''I'll do it but you'd better stick to your promise and never bother me again.''

''Whatever.'' Came the reply and with that the tomboy stood up. ''Let me write down the address. I'll give you a white robe while I'm at it. Saves you the trouble of spending your low life money.'' With that said she left the room.

----

''And that's how I got here.'' Mamoru said, his head lying on Robberto's lap while the Yakuza boss was stroking his hear.

''You poor poor thing. All you need is just a little Robberto love and everything will be alright again.'' The man said trying to place a kiss on Mamoru's lips. Immidiately The black haired man jumped up.

''Have you even been listening! I was tricked! I'm not gay! I'm straight as a pen.''

''You'll be a flexibel pen.'' Robberto said, standing up to catch Mamoru.

''Nothing is worth this. I'm gone.'' Mamoru hissed, turning around to walk away.

---------

One month later the police finally found the missing body of Mamoru Chiba next to a dumpster in south Africa.

**The END**

Hate it or love it but I've finally blown off some steam. I guess my anger towards someone (in real life) inspired me enough to write this.

One again for the people who claimed this a little while ago. I'm not a homophobe. I just like to put Mamoru in awkward situations.

Review?


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